Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Procrastination and Kitten Juggling

What is going on?  Why am I writing a blog in the middle of the week when I should be writing my intro to the Poetry Anthology?  I think I just answered my question.

I procrastinate like a mofo.  I think the only one who can even come close to topping me is Laura.  I like to stay busy and just a little bit stressed out.  I tried to explain this to Cap.  He thought I had too much on my plate and thought maybe I'd be a little less stressed if I got rid of a couple of things.  He said this because he has my best interests at heart.  What he didn't realize is, the very idea of not being stressed out a little bit, stressed me out.  I think that if I didn't have several creative projects surrounding me at once I would truly go mad.  It's like it's the only way my brain knows how to function, juggle all the kittens, balance all the bananas, twirl all the traffic cones. 

Here's the difference though in my type of stress and "your" type of stress.  I choose what I want to do.  The thrill of trying new things, staying busy with new stories, building my body to where I want it, those are good stresses.  They make me grow as a person, challenge my mind, push me to succeed.

Bad stresses are manipulative people, sickness, financial struggles, relationships that drain you rather than fill you, loss of personal control.  Those things suck.  And they will continue to suck until you're dry if you let them.

So back to my good stress.  My fifth novel releases on Thursday.  

I have a website now.

I get to see Miles again soon.  The same weekend that Naked Came the Trio releases.

Which is what I'm supposed to be working on right now.  My intro to the anthology.  But I'm avoiding it because, while it was my entire idea to do this thing, I'm having significant doubts about adding own work to be among the gorgeous words of my two compatriots.  

I find my work here... lacking.  It's young and unpolished.  But honest, I suppose.  Which is all I can really expect of myself-- to be honest.  Going through my notebooks and trying to decide which should be included and which should be ignored.  I keep thinking of a line from a Jewel song, "My youth, scattered along the highway."  

I'm very proud of how far I've come, though I think I could have done a few things differently or a few things better.  

That probably just comes with the business of juggling kittens.