I was having a conversation with Cap last night (like we do), and we got pretty heavy (also, like we do). I've been mulling it over in my head all day and thought I'd share the bulk of it.
I write romance (someday I'll write a blog to address all the genre bashing, this isn't it). At first blush, it might seem odd, that a person like me would write romance.
"Well, what do you mean, 'person like you'?" You may ask.
If you've met me, you might understand. I focus heavily on logic and practicality in my conversations. I tend to be dry and cynical in a realist sort of way. I have a hard time with feelings (not just mine). I think it's unwise to make decisions based solely off of emotions. However, I do recognize that a majority of the human race does exactly that. I tend to tune out the arguments of those that have zero facts and are based on feelings. I become almost clinical in my relationships.
So, the fact that I write romance novels, may seem... weird. Stories about love, friendship, life... and all those pesky emotions that manage to get tangled along with them.
Writing a romance isn't just about the tingles and feels that come along with two people falling in love for the first time. At least, not for me. I can't speak for other authors.
I wonder if they call them romance novels because it's the shortest way to say "The Complex and Intricate Secret Heart-Battles That People Wage Every Single Day of Their Lives."
That's what I'm trying to capture when I write. The difficult, complicated, and all too often misunderstood people who deserve to have their story told just as much as the next person. Because don't we all have a love story to share, or one that we dream about, or one that we're fighting for right now?
Writing for me is a way to capture and display the struggle that every heart faces, in their own way. The fight, the fear, the joy, the devastation, the hope... It's romantic, right?
I don't think I need to go into how relationships are difficult. I think there are plenty of self-help books, internet gurus, and overpaid therapists that have drilled that into society enough.
We all decide to deal with those difficulties in one way or another.
Cap asked me last night why I decided, more than once, to let something go. A big something. Different big somethings. Some with him, some with others. What was my logical reasoning for moving past those things?
And I told him the truth. Like I always do.
I won't stop loving.
Holding a grudge, being bitter, keeping score... none of those things make me think I'm making practical life choices. Life is guaranteed to suck, I promise that the one you trust the most will let you down. You're going to have more awful days in a row than good ones sometimes.
Therefore, loving is the logical solution. Love is the only thing that makes sense. Love is what's the most important to me.
Maybe I won't win. Maybe I'll lose at everything ever.
But if the worst thing someone can accuse me of in all of my life choices, is that she couldn't win because she just wouldn't stop loving those who meant the most to her... I think I'm okay with that.
